Selfishness in Addiction…

Addiction seems to bring out extreme selfishness in addicts and brings dysfunction in every family. Worse yet for children of addicts who do without and settle for nothing when their parents selfish needs come first…

How do you love selfish addicts unconditionally when you give up so much?

How do children of addicted parents cope with such selfishness?

I remember multiple times of feeling so dejected watching my son make selfish decisions. I could see the disappointed and sad look on his children’s faces each time they would be let down by empty promises by my son or my grandson’s addicted mother (now deceased of an overdose) having no money to buy them anything small like an ice cream cone. But, yet, they would have money for cigarettes or energy drinks that always seem to go hand in hand with an addict.

My two grandchildren (his son and daughter) learned early on not to expect anything. They unselfishly allowed their needs to be put on the back burner. They appeared to be OK with it because after all that’s all they knew…How much pain did they hold inside? I’m sure you have experienced this addictive behavior in your family many times.

It’s Heartbreaking! This should be a child’s best memories and they should receive support and security from their parents.

But, even through their pain, children have a way of teaching us godly life lessons…

Children offer unconditional love…

My grandchildren taught me the true meaning of unconditional love when I struggled with my son’s selfishness.

Both grandchildren expected nothing in return and have unconditional love for their dad. My grandson’s mom passed away with an overdose but he still has unconditional love for all he missed out on with her too.

So seeing how they love their parents unconditionally, how could I possibly hold out love for my son even though his selfishness has angered and hurt me at times.

God also reminds me of unconditional love…

God reminds me– I have to set an example of unconditional love for my grandchildren as well as offering unconditional love to my son and other addicts struggling.

God Is Love…

John 15:12– My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

John 4:7-11– 7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

So, it’s not an easy pill to swallow watching addicts behave selfishly but we can still must love them no matter what.

I also believe we simply must not enable their behavior by letting them think they got away with selfishness.

Honesty is always the best policy by letting them know how hurtful their selfish, addictive behavior is no matter how painful it is for them to hear…After all…Wouldn’t God want us to teach them His Ways?

Parents and unconditional love…

I’m not sure you ever saw the the movie Beautiful Boy… it’s a true story about a son’s addiction and a father that never gave up on him. He loved his son unconditionally. It’s a great movie or book you may want to look into. A lesson I learned about this story is that it sometimes takes parents and children awhile to reach unconditional love. We all get there on our own timing. Sadly, some never reach unconditional love.

So, as a parent, loving an addict unconditionally and being straight forward with an addict is the only way from my experience. I believe it’s the healthy way of coping with their hurtful, selfish behaviors. But God also wants us to love them without limits to learn to love them unconditionally even though we don’t see eye to eye. This is a tough one for me and others at times because we want them to have a better life or better yet to live. Right? But unconditional love means loving the other person as they are, not as you want them to be. Although, helping them to seek recovery is what every parent wants for their child. But when differences of opinion and life choices occur, and when you want to give an addict help, simply ask yourself when dealing with issues: is this about them, or about me?

Conclusion…

Forgiveness for faults must also must come into play if you are truly following the ways of Christ. Even though the act of forgiveness may be difficult to do with an addict that has done hurtful things to you such as; stolen from you or lied and manipulated you. Sadly this comes with the lifestyle of any drug addict under the influence of drugs. Forgiving others is what we must all do, according to God, if we are to be forgiven as well.

Proverbs 17:9 – Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.

Mark 11:25 – And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

So, while we wrestle with dealing with an addicts selfish behavior, let’s love our addicted children unconditionally while offering truth to them and accepting forgiveness for their actions.

Please share your experience beneath in the comments regarding selfishness and unconditional love with a loved one caught up in addiction. Did you struggle with this too at some point? If so, how did you learn to cope and love that person unconditionally?